My boyfriend recently accused me of cheating on him, which I am not. We’ve been together for three months and everything has been wonderful up until now. I’ve been working ridiculous hours and am tired when I get home. The other night, he told me that I have been acting strangely and thought that I must be cheating on him since I’m not “jumping his bones” every chance I get. How do you handle it when you’re falsely accused of cheating?
From our relationship expert, Jenn Clark:
As someone who watches a lot of true crime programs, there’s not much scarier to me than the thought of being falsely accused of a criminal act. Can you imagine having to go through a trial - and potentially to prison - for something you did not do? Horrifying, right? While the false accusation you are dealing with won’t result in jail time, it can absolutely wreak havoc on your relationship.
I’m assuming that you told your boyfriend that he was wrong and explained that you’ve simply been tired from work. Denying the allegation is important. However, you don’t want to indulge him in his suspicious thinking. This means there’s no use in fighting about it or getting into a lengthy discussion. Tell him you aren’t cheating and move on. If he continues to accuse you of something you aren’t doing, you have no choice but to remove yourself from the conversation. If that means walking away or leaving until he calms down, then so be it.
I know that may sound like it would be difficult to actually do, but you don’t want to encourage his behavior by paying a lot of attention to it. If he’s feeling neglected or insecure, it’s only going to create a dysfunctional cycle if he thinks he can get your attention by accusing you of cheating. You also shouldn’t allow this kind of behavior to control you or make you feel like you are regularly on the defensive. It isn’t healthy to be continually worried that your boyfriend suspects you are up to no good.
Instead, be sure to give your boyfriend the right kind of attention. I know it can be tough to balance a hectic work schedule (and everything else in our lives) with a serious relationship. However, it is important that we make time for the people we care about. So be sure that you and your boyfriend are spending quality time together and try your best not to let the physical intimacy slide. We all need to feel that we are important and special to the ones we love. If you work on that - while not giving in to his accusations - it shouldn’t be too long before his worries that you are cheating become a thing of the past.
Jenn Clark is a relationship advice expert and author of the book “How to Be a Goddess (A Step-by-Step Guide to Becoming the Woman Men Dream About…).” You can find it on her Facebook page or on Amazon.com.